Time jokes

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because they had a fight, and 2021.

Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?

He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.

If a mentally challenged person shows up late,

Is it ok to call him tardy?

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

Is someone who is tardy again actually "retardy"?

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?

"It's Sunday evening!"

"No. It's Monday eve."

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.

On a scale from 1 to America, how free are you this weekend?

Hey Siri, skip to Friday!

What's an emo's favorite time of year?

Fall.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

Your mum is so fat, she needs 3 different watches for 3 different time zones.

What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?

The letter M.