Time jokes

One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.

Gwen, let's chat at night for about 1 hour! I want to get to know each other better!

P.S., it's Jake.

Why did the question come to life? Answer: The adding, subtracting, times, dividing by, and equals signs came to life and squished pages.

What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?

They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.

Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.

What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

What kind of shit does a ghost take every time? A spooky dookie!

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have mothers' and Father’s Day.

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.

In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.

And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.

Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked in the room, we missed three seasons of our show!

Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

Bianca: Mr. Doeken, even though I completed my test, you still said it was "late." Why is that?

Mr. Dowon: Bianca, for the LAST TIME, MY LAST NAME IS DOWON!

Bianca (🤨): Are you sure?

Mr. Dowon (😒): What do you need, Bianca?

Bianca: It's Bianca!

Mr. Dowon: Are you sure?

I see 6 letters in "the past."

I have 2020 vision.

I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.

What is a good night for you?

What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?

The letter M.