Time jokes
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.
What's the time?
How would I know?
You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."
Every time I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
Why is the cheetah so bad at hide-n-seek? Because every time she hides, she will always [be] spotted.
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb? None! They are still too busy trying to turn off the dark.
Click...uh Click..........,.UH!!
Confucius say, never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid: you’ll lose every time and only hurt yourself.
(mono gloid? mong a’ loid squeals)
Did you hear the one about the dog raised by retards?
All he’d do is go “Uh-f, uh-f....Ooohhhh!”
Lick my nut.
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
Sometimes I look at my butt for a really, really long time, and suddenly it all becomes clear to me.
Why are orphans so sad?
Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."
Can February march? -- No, but April may.
What time is it when dogs get hurt?
Time to take your dog to the vet!
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
How do you know someone is fucking dumb?
They put jokes that have been used several times already.
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.
Hi Alex, it's 2:00 Easter time. Freshfry is a scaredy-cat. He left when you left, lol.