Time jokes

I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.

If you're taking notes in history class, aren't you just rewriting history?

Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.

If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

What’s 23 times 2?

A potato.

Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.

Why do orphans only have 354 days?

'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!

Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.

In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.

And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.

Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

I see 6 letters in "the past."

I have 2020 vision.

I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.

What is a good night for you?

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.

12/8?

Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?

A: "Hit me baby one more time."