Time jokes
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
Kenny is a comfort snacker.
Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.
Whatβs the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
Memes
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.
Now it's time to make fun of Asians.
What do you call an Asian eating jelly? Yellow Jell-O.
Why was 10 scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9 and 11.
Why do Black people not like country music?
Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.
Whatβs the opposite of Stephen Hawking? Stephen walking.
What do you call a night person? A night owl π¦ who is up all night, lol!
Happy New Year! ππππ
Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they did 98 stories in 10 seconds.
Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesnβt last long for people.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
Hey, Iβm not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When itβs my Birthday, and when itβs not...
I hate people that hate life.
Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.
*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.