Time jokes
Whatβs the opposite of Stephen Hawking? Stephen walking.
What do you call a night person? A night owl π¦ who is up all night, lol!
Happy New Year! ππππ
Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they did 98 stories in 10 seconds.
Memes
Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesnβt last long for people.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
Hey, Iβm not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When itβs my Birthday, and when itβs not...
I hate people that hate life.
Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.
*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
"Like if u cry everytime."
Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!
I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.