Time jokes

Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesn’t last long for people.

What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!

Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?

Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?

Doctor: Ten.

Man: Weeks? Months? Days?

Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...

I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.

Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...

I hate people that hate life.

Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.

*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe

The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.

Why are we still fighting in darkness?

"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."

You know what pun is used for "waist?"

Nothing. You'll find nothing.

It's just a waste of time.

Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.

I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.

Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?

Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

What’s the opposite of Stephen Hawking? Stephen walking.

Why do Black people not like country music?

Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.

What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

Why was 10 scared?

Because it was in the middle of 9 and 11.