Time jokes
Yo mama so far that when she walks outside at 8 a.m., it becomes midnight all over again.
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
Stupid joke about Stephen Hawking that wasn't funny the first fucking time.
I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
Memes
Orphans' calendar consists of 362 days. Why?
Because they don't got homecoming, Father's Day, and Mother's Day.
"Shout out to entity...welcome to hell!"
"Every time I see your icon I vomit lol."
"Get a life... hey I'm violet olivegarden how can I help you if you need me to disc someone ill help..."
You see this guy's sense, bahh? If it was a cartoon, it would be an avatar. Cause why?
Anytime he needs it most, it vanishes. πΉπ
What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do for you? And dinner, dinner, and what, yyyuyy dinner? π΄ Night time.
What time is it when you smell garbage? Time to run!
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
My Countryhumans OC, Sahara, is the daughter of France and Soviet. When people ask why, I tell them it was the gendersnapped version of my parents making me. France (my dad) was drunk and Soviet (my mom) was being horny. Then they judge me, so I judge them with a knife to the chest 47 times.
I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.
I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
A man walks into a skyscraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An onlooker watches this and is scared, but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped came back up again 10 minutes later.
The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive, and the man said with a drunk, slurred voice, βI donβt know, every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!β The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try, slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT!
The bartender looks at the first man and says, βYour an a**hole when your drunk, Superman.β
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!
Q: What's the difference between a grandma fetish and necrophilia?
A: A few weeks.
Yo mama so old, she was Jesus' nanny! ππππππππππππππππππ
When Caesarβs wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, βWhat? Itβs not like Iβm gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!β