Time Jokes

A time traveler walks into a bar.

He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.

Why couldn't the kid go rock wall climbing?

Because every time he moved his leg upward, his prosthetic leg fell off.

One time there was a squirrel who died.

It was funny because the squirrel got dead.

Why did the boy shoot the clock?

A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.

The image shows a side-by-side comparison of two cars with text above and below each image. The image on the left shows a red classic car with the text "Cars in action movies" above it and the text "Still works after being shot 1000 times" below it. The image on the right shows a small black car with the text "Cars in horror movies" above it and the text "Can't even start" below it.

Yo mama so old that when she farts, she farts dust!

What is the difference between human rights and the Earth?

The Earth has been to be between two games a year after school, a time and fun game that has.

I went shopping, and then to the hospital, and then to bed, and then I promised to only say "and" once in a sentence.

Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?

Hey guys, it's cake time!

Long time since I made a joke, huh? I used a Time Machine to make this one.

If it is someone's birthday, say this for a joke:

"A long time ago in a far away galaxy...

YOU WERE BORN!"

I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.

My sister said to me "I love him long time."

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.