Time jokes
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
Say "urine egger" five times fast.
Random words in my keyboard:
The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.
Yo mama so old, she pre-ordered the Bible.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
Deja Vu.
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation.
When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"
Alright, my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time, and what I say is, "Go get you boyfriend, dude!"
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"
Mom: Son, where are my condoms?
Son: What are condoms?
Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.
Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?
Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.
Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
By day I like girls, by night I like boys, but you, I wouldn’t like you at dusk or dawn.
A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?
IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
Yo momma so fat, I took a picture of her 1 year ago, and it's still printing.
Stephen Hawking will be greatly missed for the time he walked this Earth.
Your mamma so fat Thanos had to clap 4 times.