Time jokes
I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do for you? And dinner, dinner, and what, yyyuyy dinner? 🍴 Night time.
What time is it when you smell garbage? Time to run!
I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.
I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
A man walks into a skyscraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An onlooker watches this and is scared, but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped came back up again 10 minutes later.
The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive, and the man said with a drunk, slurred voice, “I don’t know, every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try, slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT!
The bartender looks at the first man and says, “Your an a**hole when your drunk, Superman.”
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!
Q: What's the difference between a grandma fetish and necrophilia?
A: A few weeks.
When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”
Yo mama so old, she was Jesus' nanny! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?
My girlfriend was born on February 29th, so does that mean she is 2 years old?
To RANDYYYY,
Hi Randy, this is ALYA. I don't want to fight with you. If you're an orphan and you do know about your past, you probably get sad, right? Well, these jokes just bring up the bad times for me.
-ALYA with love
Yo mama so old, she witnessed Noah building the ark.
Yo momma's so fat, it takes her 1,000,000 hours on the toilet.
Yo mama's so fat that even Dora don't have time to explore her!
Teacher: "Hey, James, this is the third time I asked you a question!"
James: "But you told me not to answer you back!"
Did you know that an orphan can take a selfie and a family photo at the same time?