The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?
IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!
Okay, so the dummy thought they were being all scandalous by saying they had sex. But plot twist! They were just being alone in the dark. You know, like when you try to find your way to the fridge at 3 AM, but you're just bumping into walls? Yeah, that's your life.