Classroom jokes

True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.

I was sitting in class when my teacher said, "Have any questions?" the suspended Class clown said, "Who's Joe?" So the teacher said, "Joe who?" So the clown said, "Joe Mama!" So I said, "What in the BALLS?" So I ended up staying in detention with the clown, ah, so cozy!

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?

Lots of blood tests!

A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”

The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.

Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."

What time is it when you get mad 😡 at school? Time to calm down.

What are the first four letters of the alphabet?

Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."

Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"

Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."

Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."

Next day...

Student: I know the alphabet.

Teacher: OK, go on.

Student: "You need a haircut."

Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?

Student: "Yes! Get in!"

Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?

Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."

*In headteacher's office*

Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?

Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."

When a homeless kid goes to school and the teacher says, "You have homework tonight," he said, "Sorry, Teach, I don't got a home."

The professor said, "I think this question raises a few problems."

The student replied, "That is not a question; that is an answer."

Teacher: Why were you late?

Me: Traffic.

Teacher: Did I did it?

Me: Did I even blame it on you?

When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.

I remember having a crush on my math teacher, so I winked at her and said, "Don't worry, babe, I'll call you later."

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

Teacher: How much is a gram?

Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”

Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.

I love school.