Time jokes
I invented a time-traveling machine and traveled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid. They told me, "It wasn't an asteroid... it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct." Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Pessi!
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
What time is it when a cow sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!
What hype is this place out? Is it for the night? You cannot say what is a great night. I have a good night.
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
Memes
It works, my brother has never slept better
I always talk to my taco before I eat it.
One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!
Why are Muslims terrible at football?
Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
FREE MY ÑIGGA EDP HE INNOCENT ONCE UPON A TIME I WENT OVER TO HIS HOUSE AND HE FARTED SO GAHDAMN MUCH INTO MY MOUTH THAT I STARTED DROOLING A HERSHEY WATERFALL THIS ÑIGGA IS SO SEXY AND I LOVE WHEN HE SITS HIS FAT ASS ON TOP OF ME TYSON U JUST JEALOUS YOU AIN’T GOT NO ONE LIKE BRYANT U RETARDED LOOKING ASS BITCH I DARE YOU TO GET A PARTNER AS LOYAL AND INNOCENT AS EDP FREE MY ÑIGGA BIG HOMIE CHEESE HEAD 474747 HE INNOCENT.
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
You see this guy's sense, bahh? If it was a cartoon, it would be an avatar. Cause why?
Anytime he needs it most, it vanishes. 😹💔
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
What time is it when you smell garbage? Time to run!
"Shout out to entity...welcome to hell!"
"Every time I see your icon I vomit lol."
"Get a life... hey I'm violet olivegarden how can I help you if you need me to disc someone ill help..."
I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
Yo mama so far that when she walks outside at 8 a.m., it becomes midnight all over again.
What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do for you? And dinner, dinner, and what, yyyuyy dinner? 🍴 Night time.
Stupid joke about Stephen Hawking that wasn't funny the first fucking time.
Orphans' calendar consists of 362 days. Why?
Because they don't got homecoming, Father's Day, and Mother's Day.