Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
When you don't wear earrings for a long time, the hole can close, and it hurts so much when you want to put it back. 🙄🙄 😁😁😁🤣
Yo mama so old that she knew "The Outsiders" when they were "The Insiders."
One time, I was making a caramel apple.
When I mistook 1 gallon of caramel for 1 camel!
Guys, you need to ketchup with the time.
The longer the relationship, the longer the breakup will hurt you. Better break up now ooo.🤣
If I had a dollar for every time a rap hater made an intelligent statement, I’d be more broke than the rap haters.
One time you walked up to a mirror, but it’s shattered because of your reflection.
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.
Your mama is so fat, I had to look twice to get a first impression.
The last time I ever made a joke was just now.
Emo kids are so good at kicking football I hear they have good hang time
Yo mama so fat that every time she takes a swim, the Arctic sinks by a mile!
Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!
Dad: Son, I came back.
Son: Where is the milk?
Dad: Time for another 10 years.
Everyone thought I'd have a great year...
14 years just gave me more chances.
One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"
