Time jokes

A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."

He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."

Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

Yo mama so fat that every time she takes a swim, the Arctic sinks by a mile!

I hope every time you watch YouTube, you get 30 second unskippable ads!

Dad: Son, I came back.

Son: Where is the milk?

Dad: Time for another 10 years.

Everyone thought I'd have a great year...

14 years just gave me more chances.

One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"

Emo kids are so good at kicking football. I hear they have good hang time.

If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.

Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!

Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?

A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.

My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.

Prince, are you really gay, because I love you with all my heart and pray for you all the time!

PLEASE CHOOSE ME INSTEAD! :(

Did you hear Stephen Hawking has a new book out?

It's about time!

One random YouTube comment in 2018: "Soon, a virus will come to Earth."

A year later: "Pahahahahah that comment is fake lmaoooo ahahahha!"

Another year later: "Time to die a painful death."

Another year later: "God has come with the cure!"

Hey Gwen, next time you're online can you go to "son jokes".

I commented back to you and portory.

"I love you, you too. I-eeeeeee was the night. Time is it when you you get a typical sleep night. Is oooooooo, is it a walk home was the night night and a tree is it?"

What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home and walk walk home to get a car? I love you, you're the night!

The Past, Present & Future walked into a bar.

It was tense!