Time jokes
You know I wish life was shorter?
I want it over.
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."
He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."
Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
Memes
I hope every time you watch YouTube, you get 30 second unskippable ads!
Yo mama so fat that every time she takes a swim, the Arctic sinks by a mile!
Everyone thought I'd have a great year...
14 years just gave me more chances.
Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.
Emo kids are so good at kicking football. I hear they have good hang time.
If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.
Dad: Son, I came back.
Son: Where is the milk?
Dad: Time for another 10 years.
One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"
Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!
What time is it when you say "bad day?"
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.
I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!
What is your favorite time of day?
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.
My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.