Time jokes

"My love, I missed you."

"Aww, I missed you too."

"I did not miss *that* time!"

Why did the orphans like church so much?

So they had someone to call father...

Yo mama so fat, it took the Flash 40 years to run around her.

Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"

There are 206 bones in the human body, but I’d really like to have 207.

Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.

Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.

What is the smartest month?

April - No one can fool it.

If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.

Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.

Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

My asian neighbors dinner.

Kids- it's time for Dora.

Kids- YAY!

Nick Jr. host- Today Dora is going on a big adventure with Grandma.

Swiper- Hello kids, I am trying to find my way to Diego's. Will you please help me?

Kids- Where's Dora?

Swiper- She's under cardiac arrest.

Kids- Poor Dora.

Everybody- SWIPER NO SWIPING!

Swiper - AH MAN!!

Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis? A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.

Good Morning! Have a Great Day!

#Ijustwokeup

A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."

The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"

The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."

What’s the difference between a dog and parents?

If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!