Time jokes

What season is it when you're on a trampoline?

Spring time!

Time is like a machine, it slows down when beaten.

Spy: Hahaha.

Me: What?

Spy: Time to pick up your mother.

Me: Oh no....

What's the difference between 20 and 14?

9 to 10 years.

I don't have time to write this joke.

What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?

If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.

My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.

I keep hearing "Obesity kills."

My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"

You know the saying, "Third time's the charm?"

Well, Germany lost twice.

The first time you have to do a full body workout in chess.

Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?

Your hairline and forehead must be friends, because they go way back further than the universe.

Me and your hairline go way back, years and years.

Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣

Hairline so big people had to time travel to find the end of it.

What is the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has dates.

The last time your hairline connected was when George Washington was born.