Time jokes

What did Al-Shehhi say to Mohamed Atta?

"We are on time!"

Your hairline goes back to the Middle Ages.

Call this for a gay old time! 0275535101

What do you call two emos spending time together?

Hanging out.

You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.

A lot of the time he will take things for granite.

A lot of counter-offers were made.

Mommy is a YouTuber, she can never spend time with me.

Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.

Lucky for me I'm only 210.

I woke up today, and my mom said it was 1940.

Have you seen the Justin meme?

Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?

Just-in time for deez nuts.

Bruh.

But actually, it's a parody.

Wait, actually?

Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.

"Back To The Future"-Doc: You can time travel to anytime in HISTORY, Marty, but NEVER go to the year 2021.....

Q: What is the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?

A: One is a good year, one is a great year.

1 hour challengeeee.

My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"

Hi Alex, it's 2:00 Easter time. Freshfry is a scaredy-cat. He left when you left, lol.