Time jokes
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?
Because they don’t have a Mother's nor Father’s Day.
Why don't Pakis play football? Every time they get a corner, they build a shop.
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good. He died during 9/11.
Sorry, I got the joke wrong the first time.
Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.
2 times 4 equals 18?
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
Have you seen the Justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts.
Bruh.
But actually, it's a parody.
Wait, actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
You when you face the boss the first time: :)
You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(
You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(
You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:
. --------
When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.
The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
If I had two nickels every time PETA parodied a game, I'd have 14.
You're so fat, every time you go in the elevator, it goes down.
What's the second hardest thing in the morning?
The first hardest thing. 🍆
Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*
No one:
Literally no one:
Me: Time to make his life hell.😈
Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.