Time jokes
You will remember reading this for the rest of your life.
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."
What time is it when you need to go to the toilet?
Two-ply!
One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"
His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."
The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."
One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"
I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.
Your mom is so fat, it takes a year to turn around.
One time I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage!
Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.
My friend: How?
Justin: Justin!
This will happen in your future, though, now because you're mean.
One time my receipt broke before I even got to my truck.
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your shitty bloody duck on her favorite teddy bear.
My teacher: Time can't count.
Me: Every second counts.
My teacher: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!
What did the chancla say to the belt?
"It's time."
Why does Oscar Field have no friends? Because he spends time on his fields.
Old people all ways get in the way some times don't they all ways to sloow when they are in front of you and make silly exsgouses dont they it is some times beyond a joke ! Lol
I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭
What do you call the worst joke teller of all time?
Ben or Chris?
Me: September is here!
[Labor Day comes]
Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
The future, the present, and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.