Time jokes
Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.
Your forehead is so big it takes 3-4 business days.
Your hairline is so far back that it dated back to 13 BC.
Your hairline goes so far back, we learned about it in history class.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
The last time your hairline connected was when George Washington was born.
The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.
Sorry, I got the joke wrong the first time.
I met Lebron James, and he was so bald at the time that I could count his hairs.
And that's 1 hair and maybe 2.
What type of people have the world record for most stories read in the shortest amount of time?
Emos, some of them are still in the air.
But when?
When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"
Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?
Because they don’t have a Mother's nor Father’s Day.
Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.
2 times 4 equals 18?
Why don't Pakis play football? Every time they get a corner, they build a shop.
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good. He died during 9/11.