Time jokes

Mommy is a YouTuber, she can never spend time with me.

Q: What is the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?

A: One is a good year, one is a great year.

Okay, the time has come... I am finally leaving this website, so yeah.

I'm going to enjoy my life, so yeah.

I'm going to leave now, so bye.

Teacher to Student: You are supposed to be here at 9 am!

Student: Oh, did I miss anything?

What month of the year has 28 days?

Answer: All of them.

A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?

Answer: He was born on February 29.

What do you mean cook? We wait till summer.

I woke up today, and my mom said it was 1940.

Hi Alex, it's 2:00 Easter time. Freshfry is a scaredy-cat. He left when you left, lol.

What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?

Answer: The future.

One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.

Sorry, I got the joke wrong the first time.

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there's a knock at the door.

He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, "What was that all about?"

Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.

What type of people have the world record for most stories read in the shortest amount of time?

Emos, some of them are still in the air.

But when?

When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?

I met Lebron James, and he was so bald at the time that I could count his hairs.

And that's 1 hair and maybe 2.

Say "sukki" 10 times fast.