Time jokes

I don't have time to write this joke.

I woke up today, and my mom said it was 1940.

You when you face the boss the first time: :)

You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(

You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(

You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:

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One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

You're so fat, every time you go in the elevator, it goes down.

Yo mama so fat...

That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!

When is the peanut butter due to arrive?

In a Jif.

The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.

If I had two nickels every time PETA parodied a game, I'd have 14.

What's the second hardest thing in the morning?

The first hardest thing. 🍆

The last time your hairline connected was when George Washington was born.

The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.

Me and your hairline go way back, years and years.

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

Stalin asked Hitler if he wants to hear a joke.

Hitler says, “Yes.”

Stalin then says, “Moscow.” Hitler replies with “I don’t get it?”

Stalin laughs for a long time and says, “And you never will.”

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

2 7 73 53.

I'll give you time, figure it out.

How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.

Your hairline and forehead must be friends, because they go way back further than the universe.

Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."