Time jokes
One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.
And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.
And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.
Me and your hairline go way back, years and years.
What is the difference between you and a calendar?
A calendar has dates.
Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."
I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂
Your hairline and forehead must be friends, because they go way back further than the universe.
Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Yo mama so fat...
That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!
What type of people have the world record for most stories read in the shortest amount of time?
Emos, some of them are still in the air.
When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?
How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.
Your hairline goes so far back, we learned about it in history class.
Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.
Your forehead is so leaned back you can see the dinosaurs.
Your forehead is so big it takes 3-4 business days.
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
But when?
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?