They're jokes
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
Ugh, I hate anons, they're so anonnoying.
I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.
I complained to my landlord that carpenter ants were getting into the timbers. He was dismissive.
"They're Karen Carpenter ants, they don't eat much of anything."
We cut and kill flowers because they're pretty.
We cut and kill ourselves because we are not.
Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.
What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?
They're both dead...
Don't trust an atom. They're stupid!
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Three copycats on a boat, one jumps off. How many are left? Zero, because they're copycats!
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
When you're in a cage But it's not real!
Being in a cage But you have the key.
Being in a cage But nobody sees you.
Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.
Living and realizing you've been born into one.
Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.
But you can't live without them.
The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.
Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again.
Man, all these jokes suck. They're horri-puning.
Why don't dinosaurs lay eggs?
Because they're EGGstinct!
What’s bin Laden got in common with SpongeBob?
Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, and they’re filled with holes.
Why do people love dating orphans?
Because they're always home alone.
Joe Rogan to Christopher Doemges: "What can you tell me about musicians of the 18th century?" Doemges: "They're all dead already!"
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.