They're jokes
My name is Gwen, and I say rape jokes aren't funny. It's not funny for people to have sex with you without you agreeing. Also, they're getting old and NOT FUNNY! If anyone has something to say, please do. Comment if you agree or not. It's okay; I want to hear what you say. Just tell me if they are not funny.
We will have a contest to see how many people comment on saying they're good and funny, or people saying they're bad and terrible jokes and should not be made. May the best votes and comments win.
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.
Why did the kids love the mushrooms?
Because they're fun-guys!
Memes
Perfect
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
By the way, this isn't a joke or a poem. I just want to say, please check out Gwen's puns. They're good!
Why are women like diapers?
They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
Have you heard of bees? They're bee-utiful!
Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?
Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!
Stop making moo jokes, they're so annoying!
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno? Because they're too busy stealing all the green cards.
Why do disabled people make good golfers?
Because they're always handicapped.
You will never see a redneck opposing a war.
He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"