The 100+ Best Everything Jokes

What's a depressed kids favorite holiday.... Christmas because everything is hanging

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already

Everything dissapers in the Bermuda triangle Except my depression

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”

I won't reply on every jokes today because I want to say thanks (to everyone) for making funny jokes here... Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes, its makes me happy and its making me less anxious. I am really stressed on my school works and everything, I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertain me and making me laugh so hard. *I apologize for my grammar

Everything is so racist these days, you can't even say black paint anymore. You now have to say "Tyrone can you please paint that wall"

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant. Dirty bastards.

Thankfully I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.

Everything I fall in love with leaves me. Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. -- What a waste of thyme.

Dont trust atoms they make up everything.

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.

Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms? Because everything they do is in vein Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

You: Say "addicted" after everything I say. Person: Uh okay. You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...? Person: Addicted. You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...? Person: Addicted. You: What hit you in the face last night? Person: Addicted... *laughs* (It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")