They jokes
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
me when i realized that buildings don't make earth any heavier cuz all the materials were already used on it.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Why can’t orphans learn about ancient Egypt?
Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
What kind of music do wind turbines like?
They are big, heavy metal fans!
I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.
Tbh they really left me hanging there.
So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?
Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.