They jokes
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
If Iron Man and Quicksilver teamed up,
They would be alloys.
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.
What kind of music do wind turbines like?
They are big, heavy metal fans!
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
Why can’t orphans learn about ancient Egypt?
Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.
Tbh they really left me hanging there.