They jokes

If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.

When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.

“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!

Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."

Why can’t orphans learn about ancient Egypt?

Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.

Enough with the Nazi jokes.

They make me führeious!

Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?

A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.

Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.

Me: Wow, they found the body already?

Dad: :/

If Iron Man and Quicksilver teamed up,

They would be alloys.

What kind of music do wind turbines like?

They are big, heavy metal fans!

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.

Tbh they really left me hanging there.

What do women and pools have in common?

They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone-appetit!

Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.

Twin Towers ordered Little Caesars but they got jets.