They jokes
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?
Why can’t orphans learn about ancient Egypt?
Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
Enough with the Nazi jokes.
They make me führeious!
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.
Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
What kind of music do wind turbines like?
They are big, heavy metal fans!
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
Why do orphans hate hide n seek?
'Cause they can't find their parents.
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.
Tbh they really left me hanging there.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.