They jokes
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
Japanese people are so cool and organized, they have their own ways of suicide.
A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. They did this one time a night.
The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said, "Eww it tastes like cheese and onions." The husband replied, "Hang on I haven't put the condom on yet."
Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?
A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
I don't like 9/11 jokes, they tend to crash and burn.
I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, because they all cry in the dark.
Why can't orphans never run all the bases in baseball? Because they can never make it home.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?
They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
Don't be scared of skeletons.
They don't have the guts for murder.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
I went to go hang out with the emo kids, but they already did.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't hit a home run.
Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is!