They jokes

Ever tried Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they.

Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??

Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni but instead they got... Plane.

Why can't a blonde call 911?

She can't find the 11.

When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?

A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.

The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.

A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.

"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."

The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."

The End

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. They did this one time a night.

The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said, "Eww it tastes like cheese and onions." The husband replied, "Hang on I haven't put the condom on yet."

In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."

Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?

A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.

All orphans must be gay because they are not home o'fobic.

Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?

Because they always like to come in a little behind.

Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.

What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?

They are both nowhere to be found.

China is as fake as bitches with plastic surgery, and they talk about body positivity.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?

None, because they all cry in the dark.

I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?

Why can't orphans never run all the bases in baseball? Because they can never make it home.

I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.