They jokes

What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?

They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.

Why do leftists call their child Ariel?

So they can decide whether it wants to be a man, woman, mermaid, or washing powder.

I told my lesbian friends, "I wanna watch," so they bought me a Timex®.

It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

Every one is talking about glory holes, so I decided to look into one.

I was doing renovations on a house and found a wall with a glory hole. I was going to remodel it, but it's load bearing. I asked a gay carpenter how to fix this, and he advised that I check out the studs first to make sure they were uncut.

Eventually, I gave up and just put my nuts through the hole. Now they're walnuts.

What do blonde chicks and Asians have in common?

They both drive with their blinker on.

What's the difference between a blonde chick and Alzheimer's?

None, because they both forget a lot.

What do guns and women have in common?

They both get cocked and loaded.

Why are dildos like a ratcheting wrench? They both make lots of noise and get their job done.

By recruiting sponsors, they help them find work in their first year.

Orphans might as well join the military or a gang because they have no family.

Today I asked my best friend what their favorite joke was. They started waving their hands around, and I thought it was a sign to go, thinking I had offended them or something. Turns out they were mute...

I got mad at my white friend today. I, as a darker person, had told them to meet me outside at 3 o'clock. They, being VERY special that day, had said, "AM or PM?"

Laughing at their question, I said, "Honey, 3 AM, because I'll lose a fight at 3 PM."

Why do people use terms like "sucky" to mean that they don't like something?

If something "sucks," shouldn't that signify that it is at least good for one thing and will bring pleasure?

I want to be a pornstar. Even if I completely suck, they will still give me a firm raise.

I don’t think 9/11 jokes are funny... they just crash and burn.

I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.

They didn't know where to put the orphan. He was returned from the hospital he was born from; the parents gained one cent, while the orphan gained potatoes as friends.

How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They wait for it to turn itself in.

What do George Floyd and an astronaut have in common?

They both have very little air to breathe.

What do hockey players and cops have in common?

They both use sticks to hit something black.