Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
They Jokes
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.
If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?
Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.
Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.
Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
It's a shame Iran doesn't know how to restrain Israel. If only they had Hitler's expertise.
Now he really would be THE FINAL SOLUTION!
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find Homeplate.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
Women have eggs and milk in them...
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
Japan takes credit for creating the rice cooker, but they forgot the USA made the largest one in 1945 and sent it to Japan.
I used to think all Americans were racist.
Now I've changed my mind. They DID elect an orange president.
Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.
I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.
My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.
