They jokes
Q: What do hookers and kittens have in common?
A: They both get dumped on deserted back roads.
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
Why do transgender people have high rates of suicide?
Because they can't accept themselves for who they are, but they want everyone else to accept them.
Why are female pornstars like Krispy Kreme donuts?
Because they get glazed on both sides.
What was the last thing going through the 9/11 victims' minds?
They don't say "shit for brains" for nothing. 🤣🤣
Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.
One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.
"He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."
I throw a flashbang in a room full of epileptics...
They were shaking in excitement!
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
Why do leftists call their child Ariel?
So they can decide whether it wants to be a man, woman, mermaid, or washing powder.
I told my lesbian friends, "I wanna watch," so they bought me a Timex®.
It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
Every one is talking about glory holes, so I decided to look into one.
I was doing renovations on a house and found a wall with a glory hole. I was going to remodel it, but it's load bearing. I asked a gay carpenter how to fix this, and he advised that I check out the studs first to make sure they were uncut.
Eventually, I gave up and just put my nuts through the hole. Now they're walnuts.
What do blonde chicks and Asians have in common?
They both drive with their blinker on.
What's the difference between a blonde chick and Alzheimer's?
None, because they both forget a lot.
What do guns and women have in common?
They both get cocked and loaded.
Why are dildos like a ratcheting wrench? They both make lots of noise and get their job done.
By recruiting sponsors, they help them find work in their first year.
Orphans might as well join the military or a gang because they have no family.
Today I asked my best friend what their favorite joke was. They started waving their hands around, and I thought it was a sign to go, thinking I had offended them or something. Turns out they were mute...
I got mad at my white friend today. I, as a darker person, had told them to meet me outside at 3 o'clock. They, being VERY special that day, had said, "AM or PM?"
Laughing at their question, I said, "Honey, 3 AM, because I'll lose a fight at 3 PM."
Why do people use terms like "sucky" to mean that they don't like something?
If something "sucks," shouldn't that signify that it is at least good for one thing and will bring pleasure?