They jokes

Woman

What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?

They both come with a toy.

Canada

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

Yo mama so fat...

...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.

I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."

What do autistic retards and birds have in common?

They both flap their arms, lol.

Minecraft

Communists don't play Minecraft.

They play Ourcraft.

Skyscraper

How do skyscrapers make friends?

They reach out.

Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?

To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.

Canadian

Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.

Michael Jackson

Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.

Pedophile

What’s one good thing about pedophiles?

They drive slow in school zones.

Morbid jokes

Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?

A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.

Suicide

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"