What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
They Jokes
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?
Why doesn't The View have anyone on it who is trans? They just look like they are.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?
A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.
Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.
If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?
Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.
Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.
Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
It's a shame Iran doesn't know how to restrain Israel. If only they had Hitler's expertise.
Now he really would be THE FINAL SOLUTION!
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find Homeplate.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.