They jokes
Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."
What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest's basement.
Memes
Why doesn't China have a cricket team?
They always eat the bat.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?
Because they can’t see their parents.
Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”
Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
They made the toys.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Why do orphans hate hide n seek?
'Cause they can't find their parents.