They jokes

Stop hating on pedos; at least they drive slow in a school zone, smh 🤣

Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:

The guy says, "I'm a fireman."

The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"

The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."

The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"

The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."

Why are Americans so bad at chess?

They lost 2 towers.

Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."

I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.

A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.

Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."

What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?

They are all locked in the Priest's basement.

Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.

Why do short people laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.

What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?

They both have plastic in them.

Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?

Because they can’t see their parents.

Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”

Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”

Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?

They made the toys.

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.