What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest's basement.
They Jokes
Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:
The guy says, "I'm a fireman."
The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"
The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."
The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"
The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."
Why doesn't China have a cricket team?
They always eat the bat.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?
Because they can’t see their parents.
Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”
Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
They made the toys.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Why do orphans hate hide n seek?
'Cause they can't find their parents.
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?
Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
