Steal jokes
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
In a world of feline folly, There lived a cat with a secret, A taste for adventure and mischief, And a love for KFC's golden treat.
With eyes like emerald jewels, And fur as black as night, This feline prowled the streets, In search of a savory delight.
Oh, how it yearned for chicken, Crispy and finger-lickin' good, But the cat knew it had to be sly, To satisfy its craving like it should.
Through alleyways it stealthily tiptoed, With nimble paws and a stealthy glide, Until it stumbled upon a secret, That made its hunger amplified.
A stash of KFC's golden eggs, Hidden away from prying eyes, An accidental treasure trove, A feast fit for a feline paradise.
With each stolen egg devoured, The cat's satisfaction grew, The taste of crispy breading, And juicy chicken, it knew.
Word soon spread of this food bandit, A legend of a cat so bold, Whispers echoed through the town, Of the one who stole the KFC gold.
But the cat with the KFC get eggs, Remained a mystery to all, A phantom of the night it became, Leaving no trace, no trail to recall.
And so, it continues its nightly quest, For chicken that satisfies its soul, The cat with the KFC get eggs, Forever on the prowl, never to be controlled.
I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.
We see the movie Aladdin, and Abu steals more than Aladdin. I’m surprised that Abu hasn’t gotten killed yet.
How do you make antifreeze?
You steal her blanket.
I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.
Little Johnny was walking on the street alone one day and saw a robber. Little Johnny says to him "Give the mother fucking broken ass piece of shit back!"
To which the robber says "FUCK YOU! I don't wanna."
Little Johnny calls the police and says "A robber is stealing a broken ass piece of shit purse."
The police said "How old are you?"
Little Johnny then hangs up the phone.
Well.
if you know you know
facts
Community talk
My dad doesn't like Hamilton because he walked in on me pulling an all nighter screaming the lyrics while my poor cat was staring at me tramuatized- and my sister hates it cuz i like it (yes Mal... she acted on the muffin stealing threat, SHE TOOK MY LAST FUCKING MUFFIN. AND I AM BETRAYED AS HELL)
sing the song
Like sugar on my tongue, tongue, tongue Your body is so sweet, sweet, sweet Invite me if you come, come, come It's all I want to eat, eat, eat Tell your mama (tell 'em, what) Tell your daddy (tell 'em, what) Tell them bitches that you know What you heard about me (uh-huh) Tell your mama (tell your mama) Tell your daddy (tell your daddy) Tell the world Tell the world Like sugar on my tongue Can I stea… Read more
Ladies and gentlemen of the forest, let us take a moment to reflect on the astounding uselessness of this creature we call 'the bear.' What does it truly contribute, besides noise, mud tracks, and an endless appetite for honey? It claims strength, yet spends half its life asleep. It claims dominance, yet the most impressive thing it can do is knock over a picnic basket and pretend that’s a skill.
This so-called 'kin… Read more