Heist jokes

Why did the chicken crack the safe?

To get to her nest egg.

Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?

Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

Why did the orphan commit a bank robbery?

So he could be wanted.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf.

Jack got high and dropped his fly, and Jill said "Where’s The beef?"

A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."

What do you call a homeless Hitler?

A roofless dictator.

"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."

Hitler: "Mine less, then."

Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"

Hitler looks over: "Yes?"

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