Heist jokes
Why did the chicken crack the safe?
To get to her nest egg.
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
Why did the orphan commit a bank robbery?
So he could be wanted.
This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.
A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."
"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."
Hitler: "Mine less, then."
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"
Priest
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.