Robbery jokes
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
How do you know an abo robbed your house?
The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.
How much do pirate earrings cost? 馃
Answer: A buck an ear. 馃ぃ
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn鈥檛 believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?
I saw a robbery at the Apple store.
Am I an iWitness?
A woman exclaims that she was robbed. She was reading in the dark, candles were next to her. She says the thief opens her cabin of jewelry and leaves and enters from the window. He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her. She turns the lights on and sees what happened.
The candle wax was going down straight. A policeman closes the window and cabin then tells her she's lying just for the cash reward. Why?
Because if the drift of wind came in, the candle wax would be dripping to the side, not straight!
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL 馃挦馃敨馃挧馃寠
The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he wanted to be wanted.
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?
So he could make a clean getaway!
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him.
When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
So they could be wanted.