Steal jokes

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.

Warner Brothers have made a new Superman movie with Superman being black.

This new Superman's nickname is the "Man of Steel" but it's spelled s-t-e-a-l.

Man: *steals drink*

Boy: bro😭😭

Man: Why are u crying over a drink?

Boy: That had drugs.

Man: ....

What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?

Your virginity.

Why do orphans like stealing things?

They wanted to have company.

Why did the orphan become a criminal?

Because he wanted to actually be wanted.

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

We see the movie Aladdin, and Abu steals more than Aladdin. I’m surprised that Abu hasn’t gotten killed yet.

I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.

It was a Risk I was willing to take.

What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?

I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.

One day I was very happy. I managed to win the lottery and receive a free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia!

Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived toward me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why he is doing this, only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.

Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruining my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!

For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?

Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?

God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

Why can't orphans steal bases?

Because they can't find home.

To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.