Steal jokes

Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? Because they'll steal all the green cards.

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.

I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back?

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?

"That's nacho cheese!"

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

What is the true meaning of Christmas?

Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.

Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.

Why do white people colonize everything?

To steal a culture for themselves, something other than fornicating with anything that moves including their own children and pets, which they already do.

How do you make antifreeze?

You steal her blanket.

Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.

Why did the baseball player go to jail?

Because he stole first base.

Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?

Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.

I didn't steal it. 🌚

I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.

Why are Mexicans good at Uno?

They always steal the green card.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."