Steal jokes

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.

I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back?

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

What is the true meaning of Christmas?

Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.

Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.

How do you make antifreeze?

You steal her blanket.

Why do white people colonize everything?

To steal a culture for themselves, something other than fornicating with anything that moves including their own children and pets, which they already do.

Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.

Why did the baseball player go to jail?

Because he stole first base.

I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.

Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?

Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.

I didn't steal it. 🌚

Why are you dumb? Because you can’t find LOLA.

Why are Mexicans good at Uno?

They always steal the green card.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."

In a world of feline folly, There lived a cat with a secret, A taste for adventure and mischief, And a love for KFC's golden treat.

With eyes like emerald jewels, And fur as black as night, This feline prowled the streets, In search of a savory delight.

Oh, how it yearned for chicken, Crispy and finger-lickin' good, But the cat knew it had to be sly, To satisfy its craving like it should.

Through alleyways it stealthily tiptoed, With nimble paws and a stealthy glide, Until it stumbled upon a secret, That made its hunger amplified.

A stash of KFC's golden eggs, Hidden away from prying eyes, An accidental treasure trove, A feast fit for a feline paradise.

With each stolen egg devoured, The cat's satisfaction grew, The taste of crispy breading, And juicy chicken, it knew.

Word soon spread of this food bandit, A legend of a cat so bold, Whispers echoed through the town, Of the one who stole the KFC gold.

But the cat with the KFC get eggs, Remained a mystery to all, A phantom of the night it became, Leaving no trace, no trail to recall.

And so, it continues its nightly quest, For chicken that satisfies its soul, The cat with the KFC get eggs, Forever on the prowl, never to be controlled.