Steal jokes
To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?
He was stealing all the samples.
I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
To the guy who stole my depression medication,
I hope you're happy.
When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."
Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."