Chicken

Smol bean

If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?

10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.

Train

acyfarmer

To become a licensed, airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.

Shooting

Anonymous

why is the thief so good at basketball? because he can shoot, steal, and run

Puns

Anonymous

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Green

Anonymous

Why do people not play uno with Mexicans… because they are always stealing the green cards

9

Orphan

Anonymous

Why can’t you kidnap an orphan

Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.

Fat

Anonymous

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it) I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait… it’s just one

Sandwich

Anonymous

What do you get when cayden steals your sandwich a nuckle sandwich

Orphan

Anonymous

Why cant Orphans steal bases? Because they cant find home.

Dog

taraneh

why was the dog stealing shingles?

he wanted to be a woofer

Battery

Teleman

When the police caught him stealing the batteries he got immediately charged !

Ban

Anonymous

Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket? – He was stealing all the samples.

Darkness

Anonymous

A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money. Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole. The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money. The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money you worthless old fart.”

Toilet

Allan C.

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Quilty or Not Quilty?

Rock

Anonymous

When you steal the weird pet rock so he pulls out his pet glock

0

Jesus

Matthew Brooks

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church. You follow him in and under their breath it sounds like somebody says you steal and you say in your mind knowing you have before I’m sorry then somebody caughs and under their breath it sounds like they say again you steal so you whisper quietly I’m sorry… …then somebody in German says shoot that son of a bitch

Puns

Antifreeze

How do you make antifreeze You steal her blanket

Month

Person

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.

Woman

My Name is Classified

What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?

“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”

Arrest

Anonymous

Why did the baseball player get arrested. He tried to steal third