Sleep

Sleep jokes

Time

What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!

Film

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

Prank

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

Teacher

Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."

Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."

Behavior

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

Memes

Dream

Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.

Man

Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

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  • Remote

    Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

    Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

    Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

    Dad: "That isn't the remote."

    *Weird background music*

    Cop

    What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?

    Pigs in a blanket.

    Part

    Kenny's favorite part of living in his mom's basement is sleeping with the landlady.

    Coffin

    Me: Good night, everyone.

    My friends and family: Night.

    Me: *gets in coffin*

    My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

    My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

    Shepherd

    Why do shepherds never learn to count?

    Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.

    Santa Claus

    What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

    They both come while you’re asleep.

    Hospital

    Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

    There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.