Sleep jokes

What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."

Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.

1 like = 1 kid in the bed with me.

I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.

Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*

What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?

Pigs in a blanket.

There was a kidnapping, but he woke up.

Kenny's favorite part of living in his mom's basement is sleeping with the landlady.

A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?

On the COWch (couch).

What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?

He puts his PJ-Amazon!

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?

A knight knight.

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."