Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"
Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."
Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
1 like = 1 kid in the bed with me.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
There was a kidnapping, but he woke up.
Kenny's favorite part of living in his mom's basement is sleeping with the landlady.
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?
A knight knight.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
