Sleep jokes

It was the year 1912. I was in the SS Titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, "I've heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?"

What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."

Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.

1 like = 1 kid in the bed with me.

I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.

Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?

Pigs in a blanket.

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*

Kenny's favorite part of living in his mom's basement is sleeping with the landlady.

There was a kidnapping, but he woke up.

A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?

On the COWch (couch).

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.

An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.

Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.