Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?
1 like = 1 kid in the bed with me.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
There was a kidnapping, but he woke up.
What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?
A knight knight.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
