A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over and he is going to sleep over so I was happy. The next day I ask my mom wheres the dog at my mom ask me what dog. Then I said to my mom I heard Paul said do you want it doggy and you said yeah.
I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed Thanks for coming
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patient to sleep, so I unplug them.
What's the difference between your mom in bed, and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
Im so good at sleeping, i can do it with my eyes closed.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother. Not screaming like her passengers.
I took my sister and And cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy who my dad‘s friend has connections with I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized, We got what we wanted.
What do you call four black people in a sleeping bag? A Kit Kat.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?" Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me." The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything." The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too."
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger having common
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked
What do you call a rapper who CAN’T GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING?
Snooze Dogg
Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
The last 2 words you say after sex before going to sleep ?
Goodnight Mom !
What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.
Young Couple gets banned from church.
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.
After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!"So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."
