Behavior

Behavior Jokes

Feminist

What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian? A vegetarian doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons. However, a feminist doesn't act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons.

Addiction

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

Mood

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.

Insult

My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.

Midget

Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"

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  • Brother

    There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.

    When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."

    The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."

    "Shut up."

    "No, I need to know your name."

    "Shut up."

    "Excuse me, but where are your manners?"

    "Round the corner picking up shit."

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  • Horse

    Why do horses eat with their mouth open?

    Because they have bad stable manners.

    Twin

    If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.

    Democrat

    Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died? Because they don't fear him anymore.

    Orphan

    Why do orphans bully people?

    Because they can't get suspended.

    Contact Parent _______

    Portal

    Me walking in to the office:

    Principal: Tell me, what did you do?

    Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...

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  • Stoner

    Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?

    A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

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  • Milk

    What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?

    Spoiled milk.

    Moment

    That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.