Sleep jokes
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
Me: dozes off while driving. Everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"
Depression: "Lie in bed."
Girl: Hey.
Orphan: Hi.
Girl: Wanna be friends?
Orphan: Sure.
Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.