Sleep jokes

What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?

He puts his PJ-Amazon!

What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?

A knight knight.

Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.

They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!

One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?

How to get a girl in three steps:

Step 1: grab a pillow.

Step 2: grab a blanket.

Step 3: keep dreaming.

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.

Me: dozes off while driving. Everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11.

When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.

I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.

Girl: Hey.

Orphan: Hi.

Girl: Wanna be friends?

Orphan: Sure.

Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.

Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"

Depression: "Lie in bed."

Me: Hey, how are you?

Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3

Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?

Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.

Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!

Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)

Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!

Me: Ok, and their names?

Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!

Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)

Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.

Me: Ok, see you soon! :3

Me now hates my life. :)

Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?

What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?

It's pasture your bedtime.

Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?

My friends:

Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.

Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.

Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.

Me: You guys are getting sleep...

Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!

I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.

Because I am an orphan.