The Tent Pole Is Up, The Canvas Is Spread, The Hell With Breakfast, Come Back To Bed.
Take The Tent Pole Down, Put The Canvas Away, The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage, No Circus Today
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger having common
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked
There was someone who slept late......he missed the dream!!
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realises I've replaced the bed with a trampoline !
When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.
But you know you live alone
What did MLK Jr. say when he spent the night on the internet?
“Last night i had a meme”
my mom told me to go to bed but then I grabbed a drink went in their room to say goodnight and they looked like adam and eve on steroids
Went to the doctor told him Ive been having dreams first about a wigwam then about a teepee he said I was 2 tents
We thought that my mother died in the best was possible, during her sleep. But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
A wife and husband go to a barn, the husband picks up a goat and says “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.” The wife says “Honey that’s a goat.” The husband replies with “I was talking to the goat.”
why do you let your dads sleep so they dont get grumpy and eat your dinner
Q : What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A : I can jump on my bed. A : And I use a pillow on both of them.
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months she woke. She asked the doctor "hows the baby?" "You had twins" the doctor replied. "Your brother named them" the woman said *oh no not my brother what did he call them?" "He called the girl Denise" "what about the boy" the woman asked the doctor said "denephew"
I woke up on the floor this morning ,I think I woke up on the wrong side thou
Ok now I'm not good at telling jokes but this 1 is not to bad 1 cunt said to anothrr cunt do you get cold at night fuck no cunt the 1 st cunt said why I have a built in set of verticlal currains to keep the cold out cunt xx
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
If a blind person can’t see then, do they sleep?
They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
Chuck Norris once went to hell. After that the Devil only falls asleep after he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
So there’s this air purifier in my room right, and it’s really noisy so I unplugged it to sleep better and sure enough I fell asleep faster, so I came to the conclusion if I unplug noisy machines people will sleep better. It worked really well in my local hospital
