Sleep jokes
An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
Me: dozes off while driving. Everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
Girl: Hey.
Orphan: Hi.
Girl: Wanna be friends?
Orphan: Sure.
Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.
Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"
Depression: "Lie in bed."
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.
Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.
Because I am an orphan.