How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
Kenny's favorite part of living in his mom's basement is sleeping with the landlady.
Me: dozes off while driving. Everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11.
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
Girl: Hey.
Orphan: Hi.
Girl: Wanna be friends?
Orphan: Sure.
Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.
Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"
Depression: "Lie in bed."
I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.
There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?
An Oreo.
