Sleep jokes
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?
A knight knight.
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
Memes
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
Me: dozes off while driving. Everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"
Depression: "Lie in bed."
Girl: Hey.
Orphan: Hi.
Girl: Wanna be friends?
Orphan: Sure.
Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.
I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.