Sleep jokes
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep.
I think my dad is too black because whenever he goes to bed and closes his eyes, he disappears. 🤣
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!
I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!
What is a queef?
Something your mum did in bed last night. 😩😩😩🍑🍑🍑🌬️🌬️🌬️🌪️🌪️🌪️
You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.
Emos are so predictable: sleep, eat, cut, repeat.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
X: Morning, sunshine!
Y: Oh, yeah. 30 minutes more.
How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀
You: Its nighttime, shouldn't we be heading to bed?
Boy Roommate: Ok, are you Top or Bottom?
You: Uhhhhhhh
Boy Roommate: No dumby, bunk beds.
You: Thank God.
Boy Roommate: But if you wanna, we can...
You: *faints*
What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull-dozer.