I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!
Sleep Jokes
What is a queef?
Something your mum did in bed last night. π©π©π©ππππ¬οΈπ¬οΈπ¬οΈπͺοΈπͺοΈπͺοΈ
Emos are so predictable: sleep, eat, cut, repeat.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
Youβre so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, whatβs the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if theyβd sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
X: Morning, sunshine!
Y: Oh, yeah. 30 minutes more.
How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket. πππ
What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull-dozer.
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I suck Cyrus's dick when he is sleeping.
My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
Yo mama's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
