Sleep jokes

Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?

Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!

What is a queef?

Something your mum did in bed last night. 😩😩😩🍑🍑🍑🌬️🌬️🌬️🌪️🌪️🌪️

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.

Emos are so predictable: sleep, eat, cut, repeat.

You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.

What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.

What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

When did I wake up?

At the quack of dawn!

Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

X: Morning, sunshine!

Y: Oh, yeah. 30 minutes more.

How do you put a baby alien to sleep?

You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀

What do you call a sleeping cow?

A bull-dozer.

When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.

Yo mama's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

I suck Cyrus's dick when he is sleeping.