Sleep jokes

I think my dad is too black because whenever he goes to bed and closes his eyes, he disappears. 🤣

I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep.

Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?

Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!

What is a queef?

Something your mum did in bed last night. 😩😩😩🍑🍑🍑🌬️🌬️🌬️🌪️🌪️🌪️

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.

You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.

When did I wake up?

At the quack of dawn!

Emos are so predictable: sleep, eat, cut, repeat.

Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

X: Morning, sunshine!

Y: Oh, yeah. 30 minutes more.

How do you put a baby alien to sleep?

You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀

What do you call a sleeping cow?

A bull-dozer.

What do you call a rapper who's always sleepy?

NAP-TAIN

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”