Knock knock Who’s there Goliath Goliath who I need to Goliath down and sleep!
I pulled a prank on my friend the other day, i painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping, still had some extra space
Yo mama so stupid she tried to wake up sleeping pills.
confusion life question!!! . can you cry underwater? . do fishes ever get thirsty? . why don't birds fall out the tree when the sleep? . why is a building called that when its already built? . when they say dog food is new and improved, who taste is?
Once there was a woman who had a husband and a dog, the husband dies. The dog would always sleep under the bed and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down and the dog would like it to say she/he was alright. One night it was thunder storming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does he/she likes her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap. But the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can like too", in the dogs blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
dad: "honey ill be right back i need to get some papers " me: "ok" falls asleep.. *wakes up in an adoption center* damn it was those kind of papers..
There are two kids sitting in a classroom Lily and john Lily sleeps in class everyday.The teacher asks lily who made heaven and earth john pokes her with a pencil she shouts JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY teacher says that's right the teacher says the next day she asks the same question john pokes her with a pencil she shouts JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY that's right the teacher says next day she asks lily what did Eve say to adam after their 100th john pokes her again IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME IMMA BREAK IT IN HALF she shouts.
Why did the car fall asleep Because he was too tyred
what happens when steaven hawkins wakes up from his sleep?
'log in'
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
my grandmother said goodnight...
she never said good morning
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?" Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me." The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything." The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too."
Little Steven has Scared to take a Shower by himself so he Asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!! The next day Stevens mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.
Gay Collage Joke: You- Its nighttime shouldn't we be heading to bed-Boy Roommate-Ok are u Top or Bottom? -You-Uhhhhhh-Boy Roommate- No dumby bunk beds-You-Thank God- Boy Roommate- But if u wanna we can... -You- *faints*
What does a human and a cat have in common, both takes my bed
A woman once didn't return home for the night and the next morning when she arrived home her husband started questioning her about where has she been. She lied saying she slept at one of her friends. The man proceeded to call all her friends all of which denied her sleeping at them the previous night.
Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning his wife started questioning him and he lied saying he slept at a friend. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at them the previous night and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!
Me: I been up all night, no sleep—
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: you literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
lie detector: it’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM....... You get waken up at 7:00 AM...... you only sleep two hours......
What is the difference between
