Sleep

Sleep Jokes

Pillow

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!

Queef

What is a queef?

Something your mum did in bed last night. πŸ˜©πŸ˜©πŸ˜©πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸŒ¬οΈπŸŒ¬οΈπŸŒ¬οΈπŸŒͺ️πŸŒͺ️πŸŒͺ️

Pillow

You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.

Mouse

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

Atheist

What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

Difference

What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.

Sex

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

Postman

Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."

Morgue

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

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  • Alien

    How do you put a baby alien to sleep?

    You rocket. πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€

    Calorie

    Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

    Blanket

    My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

    Dryer

    Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.