Short jokes
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.
Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"
A skeleton goes sky diving. Doesn't come back in one piece.
Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?
What do you call a sophisticated American?
A Canadian.
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
He's not really dead, his update failed.
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
My father said I'm too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.
She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.
Roses are red. He shows no remorse.
Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.
Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Yeah.
Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.