Short jokes
Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
I finally stopped drinking for good.
Now I purely drink for evil.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.
Yo mama is so fat, that when I unfollowed her on Instagram, my phone got 1 GB of storage.
Why did the Mexican get put on anxiety meds?
Because of Hispanic attacks.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.
Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking hot body?
Cremation.
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.
Now why was 10 afraid? Because it was in the middle of 9-11.
What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?
Ginger!
You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.
"Wanna play the rape game?"
"No!!!!"
"That's the spirit!"
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
A wild Iceberg appears! Titanic uses ram! It is not very effective. (Titanic sinks.)