Two men walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've seen it.
Short Jokes
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.
They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Yeah.
Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.
Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
What game did Al-Qaeda play with the Twin Towers on September 11th, 2001? Jenga.
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.
I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen too many of them get elected.
What does Frosty the snowman eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
