Short jokes

Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?

A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.

A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮

B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛

Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?

Mom: No.

Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.

So my dad said to me and my sister, "Don't fight," but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"

Dr. Fauci would be surprised to know that R. Kelly didn't catch COVID-19.

But since COVID is 19, it's too old for him.

What is an Emo's favorite way to Cosplay?

Dress up as a piñata!

If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.

A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.

How did the gay girl die? Homicide.

Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.

Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.

"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.

Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.

It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.

We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.

I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.

What makes sad people jump? A bridge.

Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.