Short jokes

Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.

How did the gay girl die? Homicide.

Yo mama is so fat, that when I unfollowed her on Instagram, my phone got 1 GB of storage.

Crappy joke warning: How does Spongebob have fun? He smokes seaweed.

I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.

Men: "I like dogs."

Women: "I like cats."

Chinese: "Food is food."

A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.

"Was it hung?" her friend asks.

"No, he was shot."

A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮

B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛

Dr. Fauci would be surprised to know that R. Kelly didn't catch COVID-19.

But since COVID is 19, it's too old for him.

What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?

Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.

Helen Keller deaf-initely faked it!

What is an Emo's favorite way to Cosplay?

Dress up as a piñata!

What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?

Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.

Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"