Short jokes
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.
Why did Beyonce say "to the left to the left"?
Because women don't have rights.
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
Can't wait to meet you!
So join the Depression family!
We open real soon!
Try best to hold onto sanity!
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
The cabinet had sleeping pills.
The teacher told me to put my MP3 away, so I brought out my MP5. Now that bitch knows what not to tell me.
Why does the ice cream have so many friends?
Because he’s cool.
Why did Hitler never go to a strip club?
He hated the Poles.