Short jokes
That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
Immigration jokes just cross the line.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?
Coldplay.
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Poor Stephen Hawking couldn't pass the "I'm not a robot" test.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.
What was the pedophile charged with when he was arrested? A minor offense.
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.