Short jokes
What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?
Coldplay.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Poor Stephen Hawking couldn't pass the "I'm not a robot" test.
My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes...
...I told him to lighten up.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.
What was the pedophile charged with when he was arrested? A minor offense.
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.
What did Hitler kill himself with? A "Nein"-millimeter.
Why did Hitler never go to a strip club?
He hated the Poles.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.