Short jokes
When Steven Hawking realizes heaven is only a stairway away.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?
When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.
What's the best haircut?
Chemotherapy.
If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...
Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.
Why buy a pregnant slave over a normal slave? Buy 1 get 1 free. 😂😂😂😂
How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."
What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?
Poutine with Russian dressing!
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
Teacher: At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
Student: Which end?
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.
Why do horses eat with their mouth open?
Because they have bad stable manners.
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.