How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."
Short Jokes
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
Teacher: At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
Student: Which end?
What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.
That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...
Why do horses eat with their mouth open?
Because they have bad stable manners.
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?
The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
Immigration jokes just cross the line.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
