Short jokes
What is the favorite dish in Africa? The empty one.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.
What do you call a retard with a boner? A slowpoke.
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
You are the reason double doors were invented.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...
That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?
Ginger! You racist fuc-
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.