Short jokes
What was the pedophile charged with when he was arrested? A minor offense.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
Poor Stephen Hawking couldn't pass the "I'm not a robot" test.
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
Pennywise: "They all float down here!"
Titanic: *hold my beer*
People in 1912: "Titanic is unstoppable, even God couldn't sink this ship."
God: "Bet, where are my icebergs?"
What’s wrong with a gay bbq?
All the hotdogs taste like shit.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.