Short jokes
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
Why did Helen Keller burn her hands?
Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
What’s wrong with a gay bbq?
All the hotdogs taste like shit.
What are the differences between a preschool and a pedophile's basement? Little kids leave preschool.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.
What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.
This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.
When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.
The teacher told me to put my MP3 away, so I brought out my MP5. Now that bitch knows what not to tell me.