Short jokes
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Why do horses eat with their mouth open?
Because they have bad stable manners.
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.
What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?
They both have no way home!
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
Teacher: At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
Student: Which end?
Why buy a pregnant slave over a normal slave? Buy 1 get 1 free. 😂😂😂😂
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
Men: "I like dogs."
Women: "I like cats."
Chinese: "Food is food."
Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
What's the best haircut?
Chemotherapy.
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?
Coldplay.
Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.
Why did Helen Keller burn her hands?
Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."