What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Short Jokes
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
What was the pedophile charged with when he was arrested? A minor offense.
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
Pennywise: "They all float down here!"
Titanic: *hold my beer*
People in 1912: "Titanic is unstoppable, even God couldn't sink this ship."
God: "Bet, where are my icebergs?"
I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.
My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repeatedly told him to look where he was going.
It's all fun and games until someone fails at becoming Superman.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
What is the favorite dish in Africa? The empty one.
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
