Short jokes
If Uranus is so gross, why do they take HD photos of it?
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.
(She's blind and deaf)
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
What do gay people and mice have in common?
They both hate pussy cats!
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
What kind of bees make milk?
BooBees.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he’s dead.
You idiot.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.