Short jokes
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.
This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout?
Because every time they scan, it scans twice.
When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
If Uranus is so gross, why do they take HD photos of it?
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.
(She's blind and deaf)
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
What do gay people and mice have in common?
They both hate pussy cats!
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
What kind of bees make milk?
BooBees.