Short jokes
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.
If Uranus is so gross, why do they take HD photos of it?
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
I make science puns, but only periodically.
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!
So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
What's the darkest point in the universe?
The inside of a KFC.
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? -- Because the octopus was well armed.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.
(She's blind and deaf)
Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.
How dairy!
What is burned dark and glued to the wall?
A bad electrician.