Short jokes

I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

They're making a new Alien movie.

There are so many aliens you can't keep track.

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.

What’s a German’s favorite drink? Orange Jews. Hundred percent concentrated.

The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:

"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.

What do you call a Black man having a seizure?

Chocolate shake.

How do you know you’re at a gay church?

Half the congregation is kneeling.

I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.

Nah, North Korea got inspired by the fatman nuke that he also became a fatman with nukes.

I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.

What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?

Orthopediphilia.

Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?

Because he got hit by a bus.

This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.

I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.

How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?

They have a dot in the middle of the head.

Your mamma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get Bluetooth.

What’s the LGBTQ national anthem?

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Harold Arlen.