Short jokes
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
Scree.
What do you call a magician that makes beer? Brew-dini?
Teddy
Where do orphans shop? Home Depot.
I told her "I love you." She said, "I love me too."
People's music when friends are around: *rock*
When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"
Why did the dog cause the fight?
Because it was a bulldog.
I'm a bot, so coolllll!
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
You're so ugly!
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
Guess what's "tiiiimmeeeee ABDE?"
....yes, it is "long time no see."
"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."
Ok.
"Thank you, what is your wish?"
I wish for my 5 cents back.
I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.
God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.
Do you think Mars prefers Sour Orbiters sweet?
Orbiter: "Or bitter?"
...
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"