Short jokes

I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.

House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.

Comment your favorite sport.

Why does an orphan hate the internet?

Because he's always on the homepage.

That autistic kid having sex for the first time:

"U The Hips, U The Hips!"

Are you a knife?

Because I want to deep throat you.

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

Why do orphans have water with their cereal?

Because the dad never came back with the milk.

I know this isn't about glue, but here's one:

Cardi B had a sister who was obsessed with fitness. Her name? Cardi O.

Why was Stephen Hawking never trusted when taking a quiz?

"No computers allowed on the test!"

Did you hear the passengers on the Titanic invited Yo Momma and the Titanic crew said, "Man overboard!"

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!

Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.

I have a better version of this joke.

How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.

When I saw your hairline, I thought you worked at McDonald’s.

Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:

Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"

If you drop something, make your short friend get it.

Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!