Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.
Short Jokes
Kris looks like a Neanderthal. The only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY.
Why do all of Oliver Anthony's songs sound like "shit"?
Answer: Because he sucks!
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mom was a wafer too long!
Which school supply is king of the classroom? A ruler.
Why do orphans always come back?
Because I love cock.
Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.
Yo mama's so dumb, she trips over the wireless internet.
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.
What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.
What did the hijackers say when they crashed into the Twin Towers?
"Jenga!"
What do Ben 10 and a disabled kid have in common? They both slap their wrist.
