What do you call a bald person on fire?
A fried egg.
Short Jokes
When there are more suicidal people, it means there are fewer suicidal people. That means there is an infinite generator of them.
Are you made of gold, titanium, sulfur, titanium, and carbon?
Cuz you’re looking a little big Au Ti S Ti C.
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.
Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?
They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.
"Where do young trees go to learn?"
"Elementree school."
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?
At least the mountain has two hills.
What do super fancy music conductors wear?
A Louis baton.
The man fired from the World Trade Center on September 10.
That is just plain wrong.
Why was the cheese always so confident? Because it had such a "gouda" self-image.
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.
Make him read a book.
I asked a kid why he was so blue.
Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.
Don't be racist, I am a building.
Twin Towers: fucked.
It was fake.
BE RACIST.
