Supermarket jokes
Why do orphans hate any milk?
Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧
A shop assistant is helping a little boy who can't find his mum in the supermarket.
He asks the boy, "What's she like?"
The boy says, "Big Cocks and vodka!"
The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.
Girl: Mom, meet my boyfriend.
Mom: Meet my boyfriend.
Girl's boyfriend: Dad, is that you? Are you back from the supermarket with milk?
Mom's boyfriend: Uh, gtg.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
I went into the supermarket; everything was half off. Of course, I took the bottom half of Spider-Man.
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
What store is the most public?
Publix!
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.
Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?
He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.
Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."
It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.