Supermarket jokes
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?
They both have barcodes.
An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
Why are there no Walmarts in Palestine?
There are Targets everywhere.
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.
Why do midgets work at Tesco?
Because every little helps.
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
My dad went to get milk from Tesco’s.
He never came back.
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
What's an Asian's favorite food place?
Answer: Petco
What did the emo kid say to the cashier? ... "Scan my wrists."
My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?
He was stealing all the samples.
I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.