Short jokes
Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.
*Takes huge bite of air.*
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!
Why did my boyfriend leave me?
Because he's gay.
But why did he come back to me?
Because I'm actually a guy :-)
What do you call an octopus with a hat?
An octopus with a hat, of course.
Q: Why didn’t Santa eat the milk and cookies you set out for him?
A: He doesn’t exist, you childish sh**!
Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?
He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"
What's the definition of total chaos?
A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.
With their brother.
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
Why is Ahmed gay? Because he created 9/11. Hahahahahahahhahahahahaa
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? A Drive-Thru.
What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?
A pillow fight.
What pronouns does Michael Jackson use? Hee/hee.
Mary Rose sat on a pin. Mary Rose!
What do you call vampire Matt Damon?
Bat Damon!
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it goo!