Short jokes
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
I got a call from NASA. They’ve reached your hairline.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
Paper.
What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?
My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.
How is everyone? I just started school. Sixth grade, yeah!
Fortnite is good.
(Awesome joke, right?)
What is an astronaut's favorite letter on a keyboard?
SPACE.
What is big, black, and hairy? It's a gorilla with a machine gun.
What do you call a Mexican Transformer? Optimus Juan!
I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry?
I don't know. I forgot.
Orphan: I wish to be like Batman.
Genie: Your wish is granted.
Orphan goes home. His parents are dead.
What is one word orphans can't spell?
Family.