Earth

Earth Jokes

School

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.

Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.

"Correct," says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.

"Correct again," says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"

Difference

What is the difference between snow boots on Earth Day, today, after dinner, and walking home?

Orphan

How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.

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  • Suicide

    A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.

    "What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.

    "There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

    The priest shakes his head.

    "Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.

    "Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."

    Pencil

    Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.

    Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

    And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.

    Meteor

    Why is a moon rock tastier than an Earth rock?

    Because it’s a little meteor.

    Fly

    If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.

    Day

    Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".

    Celebrity

    There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.

    Pac-Man

    The gayest person on Earth is Pac-Man.

    You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

    Pencil

    Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

    Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

    “Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

    “Correct,” says the teacher.

    The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

    Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.

    “Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.

    “Correct again,” says the teacher.

    The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

    This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”

    Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”

    Insult

    I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.

    I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

    I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.

    Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.

    You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.

    Fat

    You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.

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  • Toilet Paper

    I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.

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