Earth jokes
Why did the astronaut return to Earth?
She went on her launch break! 🚀🥪😋
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
What is the difference between snow boots on Earth Day, today, after dinner, and walking home?
What did Earth say to the other planets?
"You guys have no life!"
Your hairline is so close to Earth, it's 100 million lightyears away!
Ya know, Kobe made a real impact on the earth!
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
What does a volcano say when it has a runny nose?
"I have runny volcanoes."
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
If Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun, does that mean that every country is a 3rd world country?
You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?
One random YouTube comment in 2018: "Soon, a virus will come to Earth."
A year later: "Pahahahahah that comment is fake lmaoooo ahahahha!"
Another year later: "Time to die a painful death."
Another year later: "God has come with the cure!"
Who are the fastest readers on Earth?
The pilots flying the 9/11 planes. They went through 6 stories in 5 seconds.
Aha, tomato macaroni is bad, hahaha.
(I don't even know what on earth I put here, but okay.)
Don’t kill the Earth, it’s the only one with beer.
If the sun is in space, then why is there light on Earth, but not in space?
"Joe Mama so fat she plays pool table the Earth."
I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.
I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.
Yo mama so fat, she went to the moon without leaving Earth.
What did one mountain say to the other? Nice to peak you!