Short jokes
If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?
Why did Michael Jackson become white? He wanted to be like a ghost, and I have any feeheet.
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"
Has anyone alive ever died?
Is this our eternal life?
What did the police say on the TV during 9/11?
"Call 911!"
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
Huggy Wuggy big big Huggy Wuggy big big big big Huggy Wuggy laugh laugh smooch smooch Huggy Wuggy *insert clapping noise*
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
My Grandpa was supposed to be in 9/11, but airport security got him.
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.
Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because he was tired of waiting for the milk.
What takes up 10 parking spaces? Five female drivers.
Sydney has a fat pair of spammy flaps that smell of fish 🎣.