Short jokes
I was boiling some water and said, "Water, you will be mist!"
Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.
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Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.
How is an orphan like a boomerang?
They always come back!
Where do cows keep their historical cultural artifacts?
In the mooseum.
I’m reading a book about Anti-Gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
What do you get when you cross a cow with a coffee bean grower?
De-calf!
Stephen Hawking had pins and needles and got told to walk it off.
What was Osama's favourite food... yer nan?
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
Want to know why some astronomers are gay?
It’s because they want to be in Uranus.
Where did Amy go after the explosion?
Everywhere.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.
What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?
They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.
What’s my favorite Islamic Holiday... 9/11.
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
Vegans: Save the Earth.
Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!
What did the helicopter say?
Helicopter: "Kobe!"