Short jokes
Man, I had a joke, but it left and never came back.
Your momma is so dumb that when they said it was chilly outside, she came outside with a bowl.
I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
My sad ass life.
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
What do you call a Turk eating turkey?
A cannibal.
What do you call a bee that produces milk? Booby.
Why is it bad to high five an emo?
They will leave themselves hanging.
A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.
The next day, he could see only one color... black.
I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
Q: What do Olympians make bad DJs?
A: They keep breaking records!
My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........
IMAGINE!
I don’t struggle with depression, at this point I’ve got it down. I’m good at depression.
I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.