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**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?

Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was and she replied with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…”. Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.

The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is and he answered with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”

As Sam arrived at the counselors office she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.

What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!

Why does the nucleus feel trapped? Because it’s inside a cell!

What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?

“I think I feel a connection.”

What do you do when you get rid of prostate cancer?

Cell-ablate!

one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!”

long pause

"Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?”

“Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…”

then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”

the moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.

What did the cancer cell say to it’s neighbor?

Mind if I join you?

7 little children gathered around the bed bill cosbys fantasy all he wants to do is tickle the kids its as plain as can be 7 cell mates gathered around the bed ready to rape bill cosby instead

7 little children gathered around the bed bill cosbys fantasy all he wants to do is tickle the kids its as plain as can be 7 cell mates gathered around the bed ready to rape bill cosby instead.

Why did the person go to jail?

He committed a crime.

What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?

A Royale with cancer.

What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)

7 little children gathered around the bed bill cosbys fantasy all he wants to do is tickle the kids its as plain as can be 7 cell mates gathered around the bed ready to rape bill cosby instead

What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone

what does the cell ride to work? A vesicle

What do Cells always have on them?

A Cell Phone!

Why did the sperm cross the road? To get to the v.....!