Why does the nucleus feel trapped? Because it’s inside a cell!
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
What do you do when you get rid of prostate cancer?
Cell-ablate!
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him ... everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing ... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market ... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Don’t let an extra chromosome get you down
im jealous at me led lights. cause they r hanging from the celling ans im not.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
What’s the difference between a chromosome and a hormone..??
You can hear hormone
Things you never want to do in jail - never piss off an inmate - don’t start fights with the cops - don’t drop the soap - don’t run away from the cops
What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?
Brain cells make up their mind.
Whats a prisoners favorite game?
Hangman!
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.
What did the cancer cell say to it’s neighbor?
Mind if I join you?
one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, "No, shes upstairs with Uncle john" "Uncle john? i don't know an Uncle John." "no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy" "no i'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family." "Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally. "Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now." "Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!' "Great job Sally! What did she says?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
then dad replies "Swimming pool? we dont have a...is this 468-1843?"
Why do orphans hate mitosis cells?
They have parents
