Short jokes
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
What’s the most artistic fruit?
Vincent mango.
What do you call two Latinos playing baseball one on one?
What did the icicle say to the snow?
"Why do you have to be so soft?"
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?
A galiminus.
If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Gary. Gary who? Gary a torch.
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What's breakdancing, twitching, and noisy?
A child with epilepsy.
Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
What happened to the alligator when he held a GPS?
He became a navigator.
What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.
Kids?
Knock, knock. Who's there? An armless person. Why? They got stumped on why they contacted you.
What does a clock do when he's still hungry?
He goes back "four" seconds!
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.