Shooting jokes

Ramsey Bevan

Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.

I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.

What's so special about bullets?

They do work after they are fired.

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.

Conservatives when they hear about “liberal arts:” 👊😡

Liberals when they find out about forest conservation: 😩👐

Progressives when they see a reaction video: 🤬

Reactionaries when a Progressive ad comes on (Flo is annoying): 😱

Anticoms realizing they are a part of a “community:” *seizure*

Anticaps when they have to Capitalize Their Words: 😤

Anti-monarchists when they pass a Burger King: 🫨

Antisocs when they are told to “socialize:” 🫠

Corporatists when they see a corpse: 🤤

Antifash when they spot a fashion show: 🤮

Classical liberals when the TV shows Family Feud: 😑🔫

Extremists when they are told to shoot “dead center” (they have bad aim): 😠🖕

Why are Americans such good marksmen?

Because they had plenty of schools to practice their shooting.

A panda goes to see a hooker. He goes down on her, he mates with her, he ejaculates and then he attempts to walk away.

The working girl asks, "Aren't you going to pay me?"

She opens the dictionary to "Prostitute: One who sells sexual companionship for money."

The panda picks up the dictionary and turns to the definition "Panda: A marsupial who eats, roots, shoots, and leaves."

So if you say a bear shoots children, and Leah likes Mason Boswells, and I go to Benjamin Adlard year 6.

Your forehead is so deep, not even curry can shoot from that deep.

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."

Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?

They all shoot people for a living.

October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.

I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.

After the drive-by, Tupac became known as Pewpac.

POV there’s a school shooting.

American: First time, European?

European: Yeah, you American?

American: No, not my first time.

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.