Shooting jokes
The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?
I guess he was a little deranged.
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.
Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.
Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.
Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?
He shot a Ginger.
Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?
A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
Mr. Beast challenge in Memphis be like: last one to survive the shooting wins 1 million dollars.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.