Shit jokes

Yo, I feel like shit when you're around.

Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"

As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.

A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.

The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!

What do you call Jan[uary] 6th?

White people smearing shit on the walls of the capitol!

Women be like, "Porn is how we get money," then get angry when boys treat women like shit because they seen it on porn.

Joe Mama so fat that when Santa came to our house he said, "Ho ho HOLY SHIT, she damn thick."

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.

You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.

I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.

Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"

I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!

A butt saw the toilet and said, "Shit, I'm sick!"

Why do birds fly upside down over Poland?

There's nothing worth shitting on.

You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."

I'd rate the food in Afghanistan a 9/11. That shit was bomb.

Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"

This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).

Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”

I don't give two shits about how evil these are. They're funny.

Fancy playing rodeo sex?

"OK then," she said!

Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!