My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved
LBB- why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys Mummy
His mom- Maybe because your the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus- should’ve been better Little Bear
LLB -help Mummy he’s the Scratchy monster
Shrek- just kidding it’s not Krampus but indeeds Me and Black Donkey instead, and were going to poop on your floor
Duggie- hopefully Marvins doesn’t see us and by the way want some purplish koolaid
Trump- Caillou can you please stop whining that squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza he also ditched your dad and he’s your stepdad now
Caillou- Why I’m bald Trumpy
Trump- I don’t know but what I do know is that your a massive shit stain
roses are red, i have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister???
Roses are red Violets are blue You smell like shit And you look like it too
A guy is walking down the street, when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "looks like shit." Crouches down and smells it, "smells like shit." Sticks his finger in, tastes it, "tastes like shit." He then smiled and said, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it".
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise who gets their first Obviously the lesbian couple they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
How can you tell your best friend is gay His meat taste like shit
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself. ", Well I hope Ur hungry I replied, cos they cut off my electric this morning"
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good a Cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up that little shit wants to be gone down an alley
Bruh who likes dhar mann now a days that shit is ass AF And it's just legit shit like only nerds that are fatherless would watch that shit
I don’t know why I go to the gym being healthy is dying fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up
A lesbian couple and a gay couple. We’re going to San Francisco who made it first. The lesbian couple got there lickety-split The gay couple was still packing their shit
Shit! My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.
Wats the difference btwn rapeboats mouth and a sewer? Nuthin they both spout shit.
I just had sex...
I think I nailed it! (shit joke, I know)
Don't do suicide shit nearly killed me tbh 🙏🙏🙏🙏
A Canadian, an American and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration, he spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything, I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get and yet he won't speak!".
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!".
